Believe it or not, I’m asked for dating advice almost on a daily basis. And even more shocking, most of these calls for advice come from young ladies (I know…I’m as shocked as you are). With this in mind, and because my Guide to Treating Women Right for Today’s Modern Male was so well received, I thought I’d type out a guide for today’s modern woman—just a simple little set of guidelines to keep in mind when on the prowl. Now listen closely…
Get to Know Him
As basic of a suggestion as this is, it seems to have been lost somewhere in the annals of time. Often times, a young lady will traipse off on an adventure with a young fella simply because he asked nicely. No, no, no…no. That’s what Lifetime movies are made of.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with thoroughly getting to know a guy before spending quality time with him. This entire dating process needs to be done at pace you’re comfortable with—not a pace he dictates. Guys are notoriously fast movers because we like to get things done. We’re doers. Divide and conquer. All that. It’s our nature. So it’s up to you to be the voice of reason.
And I can hear you now, being all, “But, Cory! He’s REALLY cute and has AMAZING dimples!” and “What if he doesn’t ask again?! COPELAND, I WILL END YOU IF YOU SCREW THIS UP FOR ME!” but I need you to trust me. If a guy is interested in you, in the you that’s on the inside, and not just the “assets” God gave you, then he’ll put in the effort to do things the right way. If not, he’s not worth your time and attention. Brutal, but true, deary.
Make the Rules
This will be a recurring theme throughout this piece but only because it’s that important.
It’s imperative you let the suitor know where you stand on certain issues. No, I’m not talking about Team Edward or Team Jacob (Team Nobody Wins!) or Democrat or Republican (Again, nobody wins); I’m talking about your morals and your standards.
Set him straight from the beginning so that he knows you won’t be taking things past a certain point no matter how long you date and/or how AMAZING those dimples of his are. You’re a lady and you conduct yourself as such. You are to be respected and he is to treat you as such. These rules need to be stated and understood from the onset to avoid any mishaps or feelings being hurt. And hopefully, you’re dating the kind of guy who wouldn’t dream of trying anything or disrespecting you, regardless of situation or understood morals.
This is it! The big night is here! Plans have been made and you’re all dolled up. It’s time to date that boy! You’re excited and only a little nervous, but you’ve got this (just don’t forget deodorant).
If he’s smart, he’s going to take you on an actual date and not just waste time with such a lovely young lady by going to “get coffee”. You’re going to a decently nice restaurant with menus, real silverware, cloth napkins…the works. So here’s the thing to remember: say thank you. A guy never feels manlier, never feels more accomplished than when he is thanked by the girl he likes. Be appreciative of where he’s taking you and how much effort he’s put in to the evening. It will seriously make his night if he knows he has done a good job of impressing you. Because, honestly, he’s just as nervous as you are and he’s completely terrified he’s going to screw something up. So ease his mind and say thank you. It’ll make you look even better (like that’s even possible, right?!).
At the end of the first evening, he shouldn’t be trying to kiss you and you shouldn’t be wanting him to. Well okay, wanting him to kiss you is acceptable but don’t let him kiss you on the first date. Just don’t. It sets a precedent that is hard to overcome. You’re worth more effort than a single date and he should know this. Make him wait. Again, if he’s interested in you the right ways, he’ll be perfectly okay with waiting a few dates to plant a wet one on ya. If not, tell him to kick rocks.
“OMG, IT’S BEEN 24 HOURS AND I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM HIM! DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?! I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE! WHERE’S MY CAT?! I NEED A HUG!”
First, breathe. You haven’t done anything wrong (more than likely?). Guys are just as much inside their heads as you are so if he hasn’t contacted you, then right now he’s thinking, “Should I call/text her? Yes, I should. Should I? No, better wait. Should I wait? No, I’m calling her. Should I…” Why? Because he doesn’t want to bug you. It’s true. He wants you to know he likes you but he’s also over-thinking whether you actually DO like him or not…so he waits. Or he’s just a complete jerkhead, poop face who doesn’t deserve your time so…you know…deuces, pal.
When he does contact you and you’ve calmed your butterflies down to an acceptable level of excitement, let him know that you had a fantastic time and yes, you would like go out again sometime. But let him set the date. Again, he’s the male and he should have to do the work. It may be old fashioned of me but it makes sense. You’re supposed to be wooed and pursued. So let him woo and pursue. Plus, it’ll make the young squire feel all in charge and what not when we both know better *WINK!*
Don’t You Dare Play Games with That Boy
It’s a simple yet vital rule, okay? DO NOT PLAY GAMES! They’re frustrating and they lead absolutely nowhere. You’ll only end up discouraging him and driving him away or emasculating him and who wants a guy without any gumption?
From the beginning, and as your relationship progresses, be open and honest with him. You don’t have to spill your heart and all of your deepest darkest secrets on the first date, but be transparent. Don’t make him guess how you’re feeling or what kind of mood you’re in. We hate that. Being forthright and informative will keep lines of communication open between you and your boy and will help you guys avoid those pitiful little fights we’ve all been in. And that’s the name of the game, sweetheart.
You Are to Be Respected
No matter how far the relationship progresses, one thing must remain a constant—you are to be respected at all times. I cannot tell you how important this is. You are a woman and you are God’s gift to man to cure his lonely heart. You are not to be owned or controlled. Men are not allowed to talk down to you or demean you in anyway. He is not to put his hands on you in ways that make you uncomfortable. He is to respect you and the morals you hold dear. I need for you to understand this. Sadly, most men will do whatever you let them. The solution is simple: do not let them.
You don’t need to say ‘yes’ to be liked or to be accepted. You are your own woman and you should be respected and treated as such. If the boy you’re seeing turns out to be an opportunist, then you need to send him packing. If he can’t respect the limits that you have placed on your self and the relationship, then you need to say goodbye and never give him the time of day again. You are worth more than a downtrodden word or a vicious grab of the arm. You are worth more than anything he may try to force upon you. Demand the respect you deserve and I promise you that it will be afforded to you.
(Note: @Cory_Copeland is my Twitter handle. Follow away. Thank you so very much for reading. Please feel free to comment here or email me at Cory.Copeland@gmail.com. Thanks!)